Ass-Creed: Rant

Sitting down on the couch, Desmond grinned at Shaun, who was glaring at the television, his hand propping up on the armrest.

"Why is there never anything the fuck on TV when I sit to watch it?"

Desmond smirked, leaning back into the couch. Shaun was holding a glass loosely, amber liquid swirling as he watched the images bitterly.

"Are you drunk, Shaun?"

"Little bit. Why?"

"Just wondered. So, what, are you looking for something to watch?"

"Something that doesn't make me want to kill myself. Anything other than a fucking soap."

"I thought you English people loved your soap operas?" Desmond picked up the remote, flicking through the channels.

Shaun stiffened, his head turning slowly. "We like soap operas? I'm sorry, am I not British enough for you?"

"Sorry, what?"

Shaun flailed, his drink splashing everywhere. "Am I slotting nicely into the little sterotype there for you? Or am I not English enough?"

Desmond stared at him. "What are you talking about?"

"OH YES! Fuck it, all English are the same! All the Limey gits drink tea and eat crumpets, wearing bowler hats everywhere! Sorry to fail your stereotype test, you fat American gun-toting idiot!" Shaun yelled, his voice rising to an almost hysterical pitch.

Desmond stared at him blankly. "What?"

But Shaun was not to be deterred. He was a man with something to say, and by God, he was going to finish what he was saying.

"But far be it from me to critisize your fucked up system, you like all the cheapass moonshine you can chug from the back of a pickup, while I sit in a fucking parlour with my monocle, enjoying a jolly good afternoon tea with Jeeves, RIGHT!?" Shaun heaved, glaring across the couch.

"Shaun?"

"WHAT, DESMOND!?"

Desmond grabbed him, lips forced against Shaun's whiskey soaked mouth, effectivley silencing him.

"You're cute when you're pissed off." Desmond licked his lips. "Your whiskey tastes nice."

Shaun sank back into the couch, blushing furiously. "Oh. Um. Thanks?"

Desmond chuckled, and leaned over, his arm wrapping around Shaun, who sighed.

"I'm knackered now."

Desmond nodded, before blinking. "What?"

Shaun pushed him away, groaning. "I'm knackered! I'm going to bed."

Desmond grinned, switching the TV off. "Wait for me!"